The Gravitational Pull of Home

“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned” ~ Maya Angelou

Eight years ago, love led me far away from home. When that love was replaced by heartbreak, setbacks and disappointments, my sheer stubborness somehow gave me the courage I needed to stand on my own. All alone. Thousands of miles from the place I call home – Hawaii.

The gravitational pull that Hawaii has on me is an indescribable one. As I make my semi-regular journey home every year or so, I’ve found that my physical journey changes in the way of plane rides, connecting flights, the number of kids in tow, etc. What doesn’t change though, is the emotional journey I tend to experience during the super short, lightning-fast 16 hour plane ride.

I feel unbelievably anxious at the beginning of my journey, uncertain and unsure. Having been so physically and geographically disconnected from my loved ones, I can’t help but wonder if the distance will have a negative impact on my homecoming. The growing anxiety is palpable. It’s gut-wrenching, stomach churning and diarrhea inducing. Let me tell you folks, when you’re miles above the Pacific Ocean sharing a few tiny bathrooms in an enclosed capsule with a couple hundred people, the last thing you need is a bout of diarrhea. Don’t ask. Just trust.

Thankfully, as the hellish flight comes close to an end, a huge transformation takes place within me. The overwhelming anxiety begins to loosen its grip on me. As we approach the Hawaiian Islands a peace settles over me, takes on a life of its own. Somehow, my brain has ceased to communicate with the rest of my organs. This “peace” takes over all life-sustaining functions within my body. My heart and lungs are given a much-needed respite.

I’m no longer part of the physical world. I’m flying above, soaring through the clouds. Warm tradewinds blowing through my hair, carressing my skin. Kilauea Volcano is within reach. The molten lava churning beneath the surface – bubbling and spewing forth in tiny eruptions along the coast, reaching deep into my veins warming me to the core. The pounding of the pa’u drum in the distance sends blood coursing through every inch of my body. Waves wash over me and pull me in, enveloping me in an eternal embrace. I. Am. Alive.

And I’m home, in my Mother’s arms, locked in a warm embrace – where unconditional love reigns.

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Tagged as: Family, Hawaii, Love, Writer's Workshop