It’s Not The News I Was Hoping For… {My Breast Lump Journey}

My breast lump journey continues…

I received a call from my doctor’s office today and it certainly wasn’t the news I was hoping for. The diagnostic mammogram I recently underwent confirmed that there’s something questionable going on with my breast lump and they’re not quite sure what. I’ll be going in for an ultrasound soon so they can get a better look.

I’m terrified.

When I discovered a lump in my breast recently, my heart immediately sank. I’d been through this once before and though the outcome was great, a feeling of dread set in.

I have a lot more to lose this time around; a husband, four children. I’ve got a whole lot of living left to do as well. There are places that I’ve yet to visit, experiences I’ve yet to live.

Grandchildren that I’d like to bounce on my knee someday…

I have a lot on mind and a lot that I’m still trying to process, as you can imagine. So I’ve taken to my blog and have been sharing my fears, not because I need the attention – trust me, I don’t.

I took to my blog and began publicly sharing my breast lump journey because I have a voice and I’ve got to use it. 

I’ve written about women who use their online presence to empower others in the past – women like Maya, Dagmar Bleasdale and Kristine McCormick - and it’s certainly something that I’ll continue to do here at Live and Love Out Loud. But for now I’m committed to sharing my journey, no matter the outcome.

And speaking of sharing my journey, I’m so excited to have the opportunity to share my story on Blog Talk Radio at Real Life with Susan & Friends. I’ll be chatting with Susan on Tuesday, December 20th at 10:30am CST and I’d love for you to join me. You can listen in here.

Thank you so much for sharing in my journey and thank you for your support as well. I can’t even begin to tell you just how much it means to me. Wish me luck during this next step in my journey. This ultrasound doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun. If you’ve had any experience with it, I’d love for you to share.

And if you’ve been putting off that mammogram, annual exam or monthly breast self-exam, it’s not too late to get it done. Walk away from the computer or your handheld device and schedule that appointment now. I’ll still be here when you get back.

56 Comments

  1. by Kristine on December 19, 2011  4:38 pm Reply

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I feel honored to read. I am of course sending out all sorts of pleas to the universe for a happy ending this time for you.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  4:59 pm Reply

      Thank you, Kristine! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. You've been on my mind lately. :)

  2. by Kim on December 19, 2011  4:48 pm Reply

    I can't even imagine what you are going through. So I will do the next best thing...pray....all of the time. You are in my constant prayers...you along with your family and anyone that will come into your lives as you go through this. Know that you are LOVED!

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  4:57 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Kim! :)

  3. by secret mom thoughts on December 19, 2011  4:56 pm Reply

    Thanks for sharing your journey. Best of luck at the ultrasound. I'll pray for you.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  4:58 pm Reply

      Thank you!

  4. by Jill on December 19, 2011  5:34 pm Reply

    Thank you for sharing. I am going through something similar right now. I am only 38 years old, and have had a mammogram, ultrasound X 2, and a breast MRI in the past few months. I am waiting the results of my MRI. I am praying the results will be positive. It's a scary process, I have teared up for no apparent reason recently. Hoping your lump is nothing major too!

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  8:07 pm Reply

      I'm so sorry to hear that Jill. I'll certainly keep you in my prayers. Keep me posted on your results!

  5. by Kimberly on December 19, 2011  5:37 pm Reply

    So sorry that you didn't receive good news. I will continue to pray for you. To receive HIS peace that surpasses all understanding.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  8:24 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Kimberly!

  6. by Through the Lens of Kimberly Gauthier, Photography Blog on December 19, 2011  6:31 pm Reply

    Sending you positive vibes. You have something wonderful to focus on to keep your spirits high, your amazing family. I know everything will work out just fine. The purpose of this journey is to spark a conversation, which is what you're doing. You'll touch so many people with the reach of your voice and your story.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  8:25 pm Reply

      Thank you for that reminder, Kimberly! It's easy to get caught up in the uncertainty of it all. I really needed that!

  7. by Christina M on December 19, 2011  6:38 pm Reply

    I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs!

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  8:25 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Christine!

  8. by Robyn on December 19, 2011  6:48 pm Reply

    Good Luck with your Blog Talk radio show. I wish you were being featured on the show for something else. Your dedication to Brest Cancer awareness and sharing your real time story is very brave.

    Continuing to keep you in prayer. Best of luck with the ultrasound.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  8:26 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Robyn!

  9. by Sarah on December 19, 2011  6:50 pm Reply

    Oh Kristi, so sorry to hear it wasn't an easy "it's nothing" kind of call. Take it one step at a time and deal with what you do know. I'll be sending you prayers and positive vibes. Thinking about you! xoxo

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  8:29 pm Reply

      Thank you, Sarah! I'm hoping I'll get an "it's nothing" phone call following the ultrasound.

  10. by melody on December 19, 2011  7:00 pm Reply

    I will be thinking of you as you go through more tests. I have been through a breast cancer diagnosis not once but twice. The way I heal is to talk about it openly. I blog about it, write poetry...here is one to read: http://melody-mae.blogspot.com/search/label/my%20journey
    talk about it. Others may not but, that is how I heal...talk, talk talk! I also joined a support group online which was wonderful. Friends and family wondered even after 6 month why I was still talking about cancer...um, hello I am changed. I look at things differently! If you need anything at all, I am here day or night. email me anytime.....
    much hugs, love and support!
    melody
    melody-mae.blogspot.com

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  9:41 pm Reply

      Melody, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your story with me. I think it's so true that healing can be found in talking openly about it and I certainly appreciate you sharing that link with me. I'll be sure to keep you posted! Thanks again. :)

  11. by Brenda Maddox on December 19, 2011  7:02 pm Reply

    Said a prayer for you. Praying for peace as you wait, and praying there is no sign of cancer. Also praying that you know Him also. Take care

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  9:42 pm Reply

      Thank you much, Brenda. I could use all the prayers I can get! And I definitely know Him! :)

  12. by rachel on December 19, 2011  7:24 pm Reply

    praying that 1) your ultrasound is scheduled ASAP so you don't have to worry for too long and 2) that your ultrasound reveals that it's nothing to worry about. I did have an ultrasound done (no mammogram though) on a lump in my breast about 8 years ago and it was actually just breast tissue. The ultrasound itself was completely painless, not invasive at all.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  9:43 pm Reply

      I'm so glad to hear that the ultrasound was painless. I was worried about the pain of the wand being pressed against my breast. I just assumed it would hurt. The good thing is that my ultrasound will take place tomorrow afternoon. I hope those results come in quickly! Thanks so much for stopping, Rachel and thank you for the prayers as well.

  13. by Ashley Sisk on December 19, 2011  7:48 pm Reply

    You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend. Big hugs.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  9:44 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Ashley! I need all the prayers I can get. We all do, don't we? ;)

  14. by Mrs Ebrahim on December 19, 2011  7:52 pm Reply

    Kristie you are an inspiration to all women for being open with your loving readers about this stressful experience you are going through. Your strength is bound to make at least one woman stronger every day. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope you overcome this obstacle and live a long healthy life among your beautiful family.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  9:45 pm Reply

      If my story will motivate at least one woman to schedule that mammogram she's been holding off on or to perform breast self-exams regularly, I'll feel like I've accomplished something. Thank you so much for your kind words. You're always such a sweetie to me! :)

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  9:45 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Kristy! I'm hoping for the best. :)

  15. by Cyn & Co. on December 19, 2011  8:36 pm Reply

    Thank you for sharing your journey, I can't imagine it's easy. I've been following your other posts but haven't been able to comment because, well, I know that nothing I say can make you feel better. But even if it doesn't make you feel better, just know that there's one more person out there praying for you and wishing you well.

    Sending you good vibes, have faith!!! God bless you.

    • by Kristi on December 19, 2011  9:47 pm Reply

      Awwww...just knowing that you've read and followed along and wish me the best means the world to me. You don't have to say anything to make me feel better. Having the support of others is really all I need. And? I need all the prayers I can get, so thanks for sending one up for me! Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I really do appreciate it! :)

  16. by Dawn on December 19, 2011  10:42 pm Reply

    I'm so sorry Kristi! We're still praying for you and your family! *big hugs*

    • by Kristi on December 20, 2011  8:51 am Reply

      Thank you so much, Dawn! That means so much to me. :)

  17. by veronica lee on December 19, 2011  11:15 pm Reply

    I'm so sorry to hear this. I have been praying and will continue to keep you in my prayers.

    (((hugs)))

    • by Kristi on December 20, 2011  8:51 am Reply

      Thank you, Veronica! I appreciate the hugs and prayers. :)

  18. by Pamela Gold on December 20, 2011  8:27 am Reply

    You continue to be in my thoughts.

    • by Kristi on December 20, 2011  8:52 am Reply

      Thanks, girl! Love ya... :)

  19. by Christine on December 20, 2011  10:25 am Reply

    I'm sending healthy, healing vibes your way!

    • by Kristi on December 22, 2011  8:27 pm Reply

      Thank you, Christine! I need all the healthy, healing vibes I can get. :)

  20. by WeeMason's Mom on December 20, 2011  11:08 am Reply

    Definitely not the news any of us wanted to hear for you. Sending lots and lots of good thoughts your way!

    • by Kristi on December 22, 2011  8:28 pm Reply

      Thank you so much!

  21. by Cathy H. on December 20, 2011  12:24 pm Reply

    Sending special thoughts your way today. Please know that you will be on my prayer list! I've also had an ultrasound done and it was painless. There is hope, mine turned out to be just breast tissue! Sending you a hug!

    • by Kristi on December 22, 2011  8:29 pm Reply

      I'm so glad to hear that your ultrasound went well and that there were no concerns. I'm still waiting on my results, unfortunately. :( Thank you so much for the hugs and special thoughts. That means so much to me, Cathy!

  22. by imperfectmomma on December 20, 2011  1:48 pm Reply

    Wow. Major prayers. You are awesome, strong and God will get you through this.

    P.S. love your new blog look

    • by Kristi on December 22, 2011  8:30 pm Reply

      Thank you, girl! You've been such a great support to me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Give those beautiful babies a big hug for me!

  23. by Gina on December 20, 2011  4:40 pm Reply

    Well- my heart certainly sank into my stomach as I read your words. Oh Kristi- I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that or how many prayers I have said between your first mention & now. They will now be kicked into overdrive. I have no words to adequately express what I am feeling right now but I am so glad you are sharing this with all of us & allowing us to be your support. BIGGEST HUGS EVER!!!!

    • by Kristi on December 22, 2011  8:31 pm Reply

      Thank you so much for being such a great friend and one of my prayer warriors, Gina! :)

  24. by Gigi on December 20, 2011  5:07 pm Reply

    Kristi, I'm sending prayers your way. ((hugs)))

    • by Kristi on December 22, 2011  8:32 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Gigi! :)

  25. by Lolli @ Better in Bulk on December 20, 2011  9:47 pm Reply

    Sweety, as a woman who has had many cancer scares, I can sympathize with the way you are feeling. I hope it all turns out to be minor, but know that we are all standing behind you no matter what!

    • by Kristi on December 22, 2011  8:37 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Lolli! I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to know that someone can empathize with the way I'm feeling. I feel like I'm just all over the place, emotionally. Waiting for these results is no fun! Thanks so much for your support and for being such a sweet friend!

  26. by Jill on December 21, 2011  2:22 pm Reply

    Kristi-
    I wanted to let you know that I got good news from my Dr. yesterday, there is nothing to worry about! I'm happy and feeling lighter today! Hope you get good results soon too!

    • by Kristi on December 22, 2011  8:39 pm Reply

      I am so, so happy to hear that Jill! That's such wonderful news! I'm still waiting on my results, unfortunately. :(

  27. by Darlene on January 27, 2012  8:01 am Reply

    I am a photographer who was diagnosed in May of 2011 with stage 3A breast cancer - finished chemo on Nov 17, 2011 and I just had radiation treatment #21 today - i have kept a positive attitude and thanks to my husband changing the way we eat 4 yrs go to a whole foods diet I feel great.
    I have met many cancer patients on my journey and told them about the diet I follow. My oncologist has said I am the healthiest patient he has had. Eating right, exercise and positive attitude play a major part in your recovery. I also embraced my baldest and until it got cold here in NY never covered my bald head up. I am not ashamed of my bald head I wore it with happiness/pride.
    a good book to get is Anti Cancer A new way of life. I also like Kris Carr books - crazy sexy cancer and Joyce O'Brien has a good one Choose to live. these books help me because let's face it you are not given an instruction manual when they tell you that you have CANCER!!!! I have also documented my journey in photos and in words on my blog http://photosbydarlene.blogspot.com
    I am here if you need a positive thought or good laugh.......
    Peace love and photography
    darlene

  28. by seo los angeles on February 13, 2012  5:27 pm Reply

    Wow, this is news nobody ever wants to receive, I'm so sorry for you. But thank you so much for continuing to share your status and experiences. I can already tell, having read the comments, that many of your readers have been encouraged to get themselves checked out since following your story. You are a true inspiration and hero!

    ~Karen

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