Deadbeat Dad

Life just isn’t fair. Our world is littered with death and disappointment.

And sometimes, divorce and deadbeat dads.

Surviving divorce is tough on kids, but having a deadbeat dad makes the healing process exponentially worse. The roller coaster of emotions that children are subjected to at the hands of deadbeat dads is unacceptable and entirely unnecessary.

Despite the amazing relationship my 3 older children have with their step-dad, the pain of being rejected by their biological father is still there. The pain of being lied to repeatedly still rises to the surface.

Along with the tears.

Deadbeat Dad

(From the heart of my child…)

“He doesn’t take care of us.

He never calls.

I keep giving him chances, but he keeps breaking my heart.

He lies to me every.single.time.

He makes promises he can’t keep.

He keeps telling me “this time I’ll call more, this time I’ll do better.” And he never does.

He’s selfish.

He doesn’t care about me.

He says he loves me, but he doesn’t. He loves himself.

He’s a liar.

He pretends that he’ll come and see us, but he never does.

I’m tired of giving him chances.

I don’t want to see him anymore.

I’m tired of having my heart broken.”

……………………………….

I’m tired of picking up the pieces. I’m tired of wiping the tears. I’m tired of the pain my children have suffered at the hands of their Deadbeat Dad.

When will it end?

Tags: Children, Divorce, Family Life, Teenagers

36 Responses to “Deadbeat Dad”

Tweets that mention Deadbeat Dad | Live and Love...Out Loud -- Topsy.com (872 comments)

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Alana, Kristi. Kristi said: "Deadbeat Dad – From the Heart of a Child" (new post) http://bit.ly/aLYIOx #divorce [...]

Diane (17 comments) twitter: @BeStillaMinute

So sorry your kids are having to deal with this but glad they have a wonderful stepdad in their lives. ((Hugs))
Diane´s last blog post – She knew what I knew

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

Thanks. I’m so glad that they have an awesome step-dad in their lives too. He’s been a blessing in more ways than one. Thanks for stopping by Diane.

Sara (39 comments)

Well that sucks a big one. I’m so sorry that you and your little ones have to deal with that. It’s not fair.

{hugs}
Sara´s last blog post – Could you do me a solid

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

You’re right. It’s so unfair for the kids. Thanks for the hugs and for stopping by Sara. Have a great day.

Ms Diva (13 comments) twitter: @janinemilitello

We deal with a deadbeat dad in our house. But luckily (for us not the boys) the boys are old enough to deal with him on their own. But it was a lot of years of tears, and the thing I cannot understand cancelling holiday plans!!!! My kids lost their father seven years ago and so they only have good memories of him. (I wish I had those same memories!!!) I think these men think they are punishing their ex’s but being jackasses to their kids. There is a special place in the afterlife for these guys!!!
Ms Diva´s last blog post – Some photos

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

I keep telling myself that, Ms. Diva. It’s all I can do from beating him over the head with a stick for breaking my babies hearts. Thanks for sharing…

Michelle (6 comments) twitter: @lovinstilettos

Oh man. I can totally relate. My daughter is seven and she’s so over her dad’s lies already. It’s sad that a seven year old already is aware that some people just plain suck.

*HUGS* for your kiddos. I know how hard it is to be the one picking up the pieces when their “dad” lets them down. So *hugs* for you too.
Michelle´s last blog post – Yeah- Hes Reading This

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

Thanks Michelle, hugs to both you and your little girl too. I wish we could just wipe the pain away.

Natalie (1 comments) twitter: @mycrazybusylife

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My boys’ biological father has had zero contact with them in almost 4 year: zero phone calls, cards or financial support. There was a time when they were small that he would make empty promises for visits. I would watch their little faces get excited as they waited in anticipation for his car to pull up only to get heartbroken when he never showed.
I eventually stopped telling them if he was planning on coming. That way if he showed, it was a surprise, but if he didn’t, no feelings were hurt.
Now, they consider their step father their dad. We’re in the process of having rights terminated so he can adopt them.

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

Is it possible that we were married to the same deadbeat dad? It all sounds so familiar. It’s frustrating and infuriating and downright sad. I’m glad to hear that your children have a great step father in life. We are so blessed to have my husband. I’m glad that he jumped head first into our lives. I can’t imagine what it would be like without him. Good luck on the adoption process. That’s something we’ve talked about. I’d love to hear more whenever you have time! Thanks for stopping by Natalie.

Molly (21 comments) twitter: @MollyinMinn

I am so sorry.
Molly´s last blog post – The night I went all SVU on my kid

Michele (1 comments)

I remember as a kid going thru a lot of these same things… it is heartbreaking and I am sorry you have to see now…

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

I’m sorry you had to go through that Michele. That’s terrible.

liz (155 comments)

Oh, how awful! I have chills! One of your kids actually wrote that?!?! How sad! Hugs, Kristi!
liz´s last blog post – I&8217m a Maven Oh Yes- I Am!

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

The little excerpt that I included was taken from a conversation I had with one of the older kids 2 days ago. It just breaks my heart. I felt like the only thing I could do as a mother, besides wiping the tears and giving those extra hugs, was to give this child a voice. An unidentified voice, but a voice nonetheless. Thanks for stopping by Liz.

KLZ (64 comments) twitter: @TamingInsanity

This kind of stuff infuriates me. Because my husband, a grown man, still has to put up with it.
KLZ´s last blog post – Flip Off

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

That’s really sad. It kills me that my 3 older children will continue to hurt to some degree as adults. Thanks for stopping by KLZ. And btw, loved reading about Liz’s meet up with you.

Jen (76 comments)

I don’t have any experience with this but I watch my sister do this for her sons. These are their children, how can they just not care? How can you not want to see or be with your children?

This is something I will never understand.
Jen´s last blog post – Pay Attention to Me or Else!

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

You and me both! I’ll never understand it. Ever. Sending big hugs to your sister and her children, Jen. Thanks for stopping by.

Jennifer (7 comments)

I had this after my parents divorced. It got better after I was an adult and we were able to have a real relationship. He told me once that he felt like he wasn’t wanted and that’s why he didn’t come around as much. Looking back I can totally see that. We were our own little unit. I’m not saying it is the same for your kids because all people are different, but maybe there is hope at the end of the struggle.
Jennifer´s last blog post – Its the most busiest time of the year

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

It’s always been my hope that he would eventually “come around” so to speak, but unfortunately he really is selfish and doesn’t think about our kids. He’s off just doing his thing, living his life oblivious to the pain he’s caused. Maybe one day they’ll be able to find closure of some sort. Thanks for stopping by and sharing Jennifer. I’m glad that you were able to mend that relationship. (Oh and btw, I received your email. I’ll email you back in the next couple of days if that’s alright.)

alicia (233 comments) twitter: @projectalicia

What a powerful post. Sorry for what you are and your children have to endure because of his choices. Hugs!!

Kristi (3460 comments) twitter: @TweetingMama

Thanks for the hugs, Lish. I’ll be sure to pass those on to the kids.

Ihilani (15 comments) twitter: @pupukababy

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It must be so incredibly frustrating for your children. I cannot imagine. I love the way that you were able to open up your heart again though, despite being so hurt. I think that teaches your kids a great lesson, that it’s better to risk loving than to shut yourself off and live in fear of being hurt. Hopefully they will find their own loves one day and be for their kids what their father wasn’t for them. Hugs and kisses to your kids!

Sarah (43 comments) twitter: @lovinmylifeblog

So sorry for your kids and you, because you are the one that has to deal with it. Praying for you! ((hugs))
Sarah´s last blog post – What Inspires You

Marni (15 comments) twitter: @marnitiani

My pirate mouth wants to come out right now. Dead beat dad’s SUCK. I hate it. My dad is pretty close. He was better when I was younger, but he’s ditched me now. I am sorry for your little ones!
Marni´s last blog post – Wordless Wednesday 71- When it all started

blogger @ Houston Home Security (1 comments)

I’m sorry you have to go through this. It’s not fair for either you or the kids. I was just surfing around online and happened to be here. I’m sorry it’s hard…

MomAgain@40 (39 comments) twitter: @karentoittoit

Shame! What a great poem. You nailed it on the head!
My teen has her own deadbeat dad, and she has written him off! But I wish it could have been differently…
Glad they have a great step-dad!
MomAgain@40´s last blog post – We don’t listen about having babies

Kaitlin @ Ah... My Married Life (20 comments) twitter: @ahmymarriedlife

Your kids shouldn’t be put through that. I’m so incredibly sorry. <3
Kaitlin @ Ah… My Married Life´s last blog post – Hooray

Kristy (59 comments)

Sadly, everything written in that poem is the exact same stuff I could write about my dad. I am 34 years old and still feel the same way.

http://www.pampersandpinot.com

L. Eleana (7 comments) twitter: @LEleanaJohnson

Oh dear. This brought back some very emotional memories from my relationship with my Dad. My heart goes out to your children. My mom never said one bad word about the man because she knew that one day I would form an opinion of my own. I love and respect her for taking the high road. And she was right, I definitely formed an opinion of my own.
L. Eleana´s last blog post – It Really Does Take a Village to Raise a Child

laughwithusblog (2 comments)

Heartbreaking. They are lucky to have you!
laughwithusblog´s last blog post – Eat More Chicken…Tenders

Goodnight moon (2 comments)

That hurts my heart for your kids and for you! But your such a good mom that will always be there for them to pick up the pieces from their dead beat dad. I’m sorry!!!!

{{{hugs to all of you}}}

Coming by from SITS.

JDaniel4's Mom (51 comments)

Stopping from SITS! Broken promises from an absent dad are really tough. Glad they have the example of a great man in their lives.
JDaniel4′s Mom´s last blog post – Muffin Tin Monday- Turkeys Food Pyramid Meal

Dagmar Bleasdale (146 comments) twitter: @DagmarBleasdale

So sad to read this. How any parent can turn their back on his or her children is beyond me. These are your flesh and blood! And how some parents find it convenient to stop taking care of their children financially is beyond me. How could you spend one cent that should go to your children? My father always told us that everything he did was for us and that his money was also our money — and I intend to raise L the same way.

Thanks for chiming in on my BlogFrog question.

So sorry that your kids, and you, have to deal with this. So unfair.

Dagmar
Dagmar’s momsense
Dagmar Bleasdale´s last blog post – Child’s Play Dinner’s On Us and Bloganthropy Awards