The Mommy Needs a Break epidemic (MNB) is no laughing matter.

There’s a growing epidemic sweeping the nation. Reports of worn-out, pajama clad, ain’t-got-no-patience-left-in-their-bones stay-at-home mothers have popped up in the Midwest and South. While MNB has been contained to those areas for the moment, there’s no telling how widespread and devastating this epidemic will be.

She’s sweet. She’s petite. And she knows what she wants.

If she could speak in full sentences, I’m pretty sure she’d say “show me the money!”

Dear 36:

We’ve only just met this morning, but I feel like it’s important for me to brief you on a few things before we get to know each other. You know, so you don’t go screwing anything up.

• Sure it might be a bit premature, but I’m totally open to early onset menopause.
• Look, I’ve been breastfeeding my youngest child for 18 months now. I’m not sure what will happen to the “girls” when my daughter weans, but I’d love it if you could see to it that they retain some of their volume and perkiness.
• Wrinkles haven’t been an issue yet. Keep it that way and no one gets hurt.
• I have more gray hair than I deserve so don’t feel like you’re obligated to give me a few more. I think I’m all set for the next 5 years or so. Thanks anyway.
• And most importantly, I’m a wife to a hard-working man and a mother to 4 active children. Don’t even think about adding to my physical ailments. These people need me at peak performance and I refuse to miss a single moment of their lives.

I’m confident that we’ll get along just fine. Just don’t go screwing anything up.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times…What in the world was my child thinking?

As a mother, I pride myself on keeping my children happy, well-fed, well-educated and well-dressed. It’s important to me that my children are not only on their best behavior at school, but that they look their best as well. So imagine my surprise when my usually well-dressed 15-year old son walked off the school bus one afternoon looking like this…

For the love of perfectly pressed button-down shirts…I thought my son had been attacked. Turns out he did this to himself. Apparently all the cool kids in Weight Conditioning butcher remove their t-shirt sleeves and tear the sides open for extra ventilation.

Well, duh…

Call me crazy, but three things come to mind when I look at the tattered mess that was once a decent gym shirt:

1. Andre really needs to work on his t-shirt tearing skills.
2. Instead of Weight Conditioning, maybe he should have signed up for Home Economics.
3. What in the world was my child thinking?

I’m a little busy.

There’s a pile of laundry on the couch waiting to be folded.

And the little girls room is a disaster area for the second time this week.

But I’m a little too busy to tend to that right now. I’ve got more important things going on in my life.

Life sure is sweet!