The Mommy Needs a Break epidemic (MNB) is no laughing matter.
There’s a growing epidemic sweeping the nation. Reports of worn-out, pajama clad, ain’t-got-no-patience-left-in-their-bones stay-at-home mothers have popped up in the Midwest and South. While MNB has been contained to those areas for the moment, there’s no telling how widespread and devastating this epidemic will be.
Due to the severity of MNB, the Centers for Disease Control have issued a warning for women with children between the ages of 0-18 years. MNB symptoms vary on a case-by-case basis, but if you exhibit one or more of the following thoughts or behaviors you are to immediately hand your children off to another adult and report to the nearest spa for a much-needed mommy break:
Handing a permanent marker over to appease your screaming toddler doesn’t sound the least bit crazy.
Physical contact with your children is immediately followed by hives and/or twitching of the right eye.
- Allowing your child with ADHD to drink a glass of Kool Aid and eat a piece of cake at 9:30pm doesn’t faze you. For goodness sake, you’re just trying to shut him up for the next 10 minutes.
The baby is eating the dog’s rawhide bone and you could care less.
- Changing your name from “Mom” to one of those funky symbols like Prince did sounds like a great idea. No one will ever be able to pronounce .
Call centers are open and ready to assist those with MNB 24 hours a day at 1-800-MOMMY-NEEDS-A-BREAK-LIKE-10-MINUTES-AGO.
*Please excuse my absence while I recouperate from the devastating effects of MNB.