From Breastfeeding Bliss To Breastfeeding Bitterness
What happens when your awesome plan to breastfeed and allow your child to self-wean is in jeopardy of falling apart?
Up until a week ago, breastfeeding my 10-month old had been a positive experience. I absolutely loved it! We were a great team and the bond we shared during those special mommy and baby moments were wonderful, but things have changed. There’s trouble in paradise folks. It pains me to admit this, but our special time together has gone from pure breastfeeding bliss to breastfeeding bitterness.
What used to be a peaceful, loving exchange between mother and child has become a stressful one fraught with pinched nipples, scratching and biting. It’s not Alana’s fault really. She’s getting over a two-week long bout with the flu and RSV and she’s also cutting four teeth. If that’s not enough, she’s also experiencing major separation anxiety which is normal right around her age. And well, it’s just a lot for a baby to deal with.
It’s also a lot for Mommy to deal with. I’m not going to sugar coat it. I’m worn-out, physically and emotionally exhausted and just down right stressed and stretched to the limit. How I wish we could return to those days when Alana and I enjoyed those quiet breastfeeding moments, looking into each other’s eyes, smiling. I wish we could make it through one nursing session without being bit, scratched or pinched.
I’ve felt so bitter toward my current state of breastfeeding over the last few days. Breastfeeding my sweet baby has morphed into an anxiety-filled, stressful, painful experience and I hate that I feel this way. I’ve contemplated weaning her from the breast at the one-year mark and I can’t believe I’m here, having this conversation with myself. I had such great, big plans to allow my daughter to wean on her own and let her decide when it was time to let go but here I am - actually entertaining the thought of weaning her off the breast.
I’ve always felt that breastfeeding should be a mutually satisfying experience, both mother and child actively and willingly playing their respective roles in the breastfeeding relationship. I’m trying desperately to work through the pinching, scratching and biting. I’m taking it one nursing session at a time and trying to be patient, keeping in mind that this too will pass but it’s been so difficult to do. I realize that this is something women before me have endured, but I’m human. This is where I’m at, this is what I’m feeling and I’m putting it out there for all of you to see.
So tell me…Have you struggled with feelings of bitterness or resentment due to the challenges of breastfeeding? At what point do you think it’s okay for a mother to make the difficult decision to wean her child? Should mothers continue to breastfeed despite feelings of stress, bitterness or resentment toward the experience? I’d love to hear what you think.
Tags: Motherhood
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He gets distracted while nursing, but has also clearly (for a 5 mo old) expressed his hatred for the nursing cover!
I really think an unhappy mum makes for an unhappy baby. Maybe you just need a bit of a break until this phase passes – express and give her bottled breast milk, perhaps. My LO scratches a lot, and she’s cutting her first tooth as we speak, so I’ll be coming up for this soon, I’m sure. Don’t let your milk dry out (so express) and give it a little time, is my suggestion. Good luck & don’t beat yourself up!
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