This week’s edition of Not Me My Child! Monday is brought to you by the letter “A”. The identities of the accused have been protected. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Let’s begin…

My child did NOT complain about having a headache shortly before dinnertime because “she’s” a picky eater and absolutely, positively did NOT want to eat taco soup with the rest of the family.

The same child did NOT also have a fever of 100.6 and “she” was most certainly NOT jumping on the living room sofa while saying “Mommy, I’m siiiiiiiiiick!“

My other child did NOT get caught sneaking snacks between meals. “He” is NOT a serial snack sneaker and I did NOT mention this in a previous post.

No, the same child does NOT think that “he” is smart enough to fool “his” super intelligent mother by sneaking snacks while she was in the bathroom. Why that would be a stupid thing to do, especially since “his” mother heard the bag of candy rustling all the way from the bathroom! By now, “he” should know that “his” mother does NOT have super bionic hearing.

My other-other child did NOT drive me nuts with “her” excessive talking while I tried desperately to watch a movie I had NOT been waiting to see for over two weeks.

“She” does NOT constantly talk over others and does NOT have issues controlling “her” volume, especially when “she” is indoors.

And no, the same child does NOT suffer from Middle Child Syndrome, even though “she” is no longer the middle child!

My other-other-other child does NOT have the uncanny ability to withhold “her” poop until “her” Daddy leaves the house, thereby leaving me no choice but to NOT change every. single. poopy. diaper. Every time.

The same child does NOT have the audacity to smile at me while I gag over the smell of “her” poop, forcing me to NOT smile right back at “her”.

And the same child does NOT scream like a wild banshee when “she” can’t have something that “she” wants.

“She” does NOT scream at a frequency that wild dogs 15 miles away can NOT hear.

I am NOT going deaf and my ears are NOT bleeding.

Not me and certainly NOT my children.

I feel like a breastfeeding superhero, granted I’m not as cool and superhero-like as Lactating Girl. But nevertheless, I feel pretty dang good about my breastfeeding superhero status. You see the thing is, I’ve been breastfeeding my little girl Alana for 8 months, 2 weeks and 2 days and I’m so proud of myself. I’m in this for the long haul!

Truth be told, I haven’t always felt like a breastfeeding superhero. In fact, I was a big time breastfeeding failure with my three older children. They were breastfed a maximum of 6 weeks each before I up and quit. Yes, I quit. It got too hard. I thought I wasn’t making enough milk. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Excuses. Excuses. I really wasn’t dedicated to breastfeeding at all. It just seemed like a huge inconvenience at the time. Boy was I wrong!

I’ve learned a thing or two since then. I’ve fallen in love with breastfeeding and I’ve found what works for me. Here are a few things I attribute my breastfeeding success to. I hope they’ll benefit you as well.

1. As soon as I made the commitment to breastfeed, I began reading all the breastfeeding material I could get my hands on. Knowledge is power and I believe it’s the key to breastfeeding success.
2. Seeking breastfeeding support from fellow breastfeeding mamas was one of the best things I did. I asked friends for tips and advice. I also found an online community of breastfeeding mamas via Twitter. The women I’ve met along my breastfeeding journey have been an amazing source of encouragement.
3. Because I’m a tad bit modest, I decided to invest in a nursing cover early on. It was a little unnerving, breastfeeding in public for the first time, even though I was completely covered up. It took some getting used to, but these days I’m a nurse-in-public-while-remaining-covered-up pro! (*This doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t breastfeed openly in public if you feel comfortable enough to do so. More power to you!)
4. Another thing I did soon after making the decision to breastfeed was to enlist the help of my husband. As a stay-at-home mother of 4 children, I knew that I’d really need his help and support. My husband has been so encouraging and supportive and it’s really made a world of difference for me. Having the help of a spouse or partner can be a huge asset to your success.
5. Growth spurts can be very taxing on mother and baby. Prior to this past pregnancy, I’d never been warned about growth spurts and the effect they had on breastfeeding babies. Honestly, no one ever took the time to explain this to me. I was clueless! Round-the-clock feedings are exhausting, but knowing that they’re temporary does help. Reminding myself to take things one day at a time, has helped me to get through those tough growth spurts.
6. Proper latch on technique is key. IBCLC Lactation Guru Geri Reynolds at Hardin Memorial Hospital in Elizabethtown, Kentucky (Yes, this is totally a shout-out. She deserves it!) was an invaluable resource to me. She taught me the ins and outs of getting baby to properly latch on, as well as great nursing positions. Oftentimes, sore nipples are caused by improper latching or positioning of baby. Seek help to ensure that baby latches on properly!

These were just a few of things that have made breastfeeding a positive and successful experience for me. What’s the key to your breastfeeding success? I’d love to hear from you! For breastfeeding tips, support and help, visit La Leche League or kellymom online.

The most disgusting photo I’ve ever taken…

It’s been a crazy week folks! Here are a few things I absolutely, positively did NOT do!

I did NOT yell at my children during the school morning rush. Are you kidding? Only mean moms do that.

No, I did NOT forget to pack my hard-working husband’s lunch two days in a row. Are you kidding? I’m perfect. I’d never make a careless mistake like that!

I did NOT forget that my 6-year old daughter had early release from school last Wednesday, thereby forcing her bus driver to park outside my home and honk incessantly until I came to the door to let my child in. Other mothers might forget, but certainly NOT this mother!

I did NOT cry like a baby when my iPhone spontaneously decided to stop working yesterday, especially since it’s the 3rd iPhone I’ve had to purchase due to NOT dropping it on the floor numerous times. No. No. No.

I did NOT stress out last night while writing a new blog post.  And that blog post was NOT titled, “My Journey Toward Creating More Calm, Less Stress“. That would be ironic. Wouldn’t it?

And I did NOT start my Christmas shopping 12 days before Christmas. Why, that would be a silly thing to do especially since I have a husband and four children to shop for!

Last, but not least, I did NOT ask my husband to watch our 8-month old daughter while I “pooped” in the bathroom, when all I really did was hang out in the bathroom pretending to poop while enjoying a few minutes of quiet time to myself. And no, I did NOT just divulge Too. Much. Information.

No, NOT me!

A few weeks ago, our family took a little field trip to Downtown Columbus. Camera in hand, we explored the city on foot snapping shots along the way. My daughters Alyssa and Amaya brought their cameras along as well. Following are a few my photos…

You’ve got to love the texture of these old bricks. Their imperfection is perfection.

My daughter Amaya at the ticket window of the historic Springer Opera House Theater, which was built in 1871. Ticket please!

This building was pretty amazing. Its interior was gutted and all that remained were the outer walls, stairwell, fireplaces and chimneys. Remnants of plaster still clung to the brick. I love that you can also see where the fireplace mantle once stood. So beautiful!

It was a beautiful day! I love the contrast between the blue sky and silver water tower. The building in the background was an old mill of some sort that’s since been converted into condos.

I absolutely love the way the old window panes of the pump station distorted the reflection of the old mill. The pump station on the Chattahoochee River provided power to the mill at one time.

Beautiful blue sky, antique stained-glass clock, intricately detailed architecture. Perfection.