No, my oldest daughter Alyssa did NOT ask , “Mom, why does my razor smell like pee?”

No, I did NOT actually smell the razor to confirm any trace of urine.

No, I most certainly did NOT gag at the smell.

No, all of my children did NOT deny peeing on said razor.

And no, my 6-year old daughter Amaya did NOT come to me a few days later admitting to having peed on her sister’s razor in the shower.

No, Amaya did NOT admit that she was actually trying to pee on her older brother’s wash cloth when said pee accidentally splashed on Alyssa’s razor.

No, the pee did NOT splash onto Andre’s wash cloth as well.

No, I did NOT laugh hysterically when Amaya confessed the details of the peeing incident (which most certainly did NOT happen) to her brother and sister.

And no, I did NOT pee my pants while laughing at my son’s reaction to having been told that wash cloth he had used to clean his face a few minutes prior to ”The Confession” had been peed on.

Last, but not least, my sweet Maya did NOT do any of these things. Why, how could a child so cute do such a thing?

No, NOT my child!

Watching late night, mindless television can be hazardous to your health attitude. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my panties in a twist over some stupid show on television. The latest culprit: We TV’s “Platinum Babies”. For those of you who aren’t familiar with “Platinum Babies”, let me help you out. Expecting couples are featured each week as they prepare for the birth of their children. Sounds sweet right? Not really. Now when I say “prepare”, I’m not referring to birth plans, breathing techniques, breastfeeding classes or anything of that nature. What I’m really referring to is the spending spree these couples go on, in order to “prepare” for the birth of their children.

The bounty of ridiculous, unnecessary, materialistic junk they fill their baby’s nursery with is preposterous:

I mean really, does your baby really need a $400 chandelier? Probably not.

You spent $1,500 on her layette? Are you kidding me? That’s what I paid for my queen-size mattress.

Oh, you had a professional photographer take a few pregnancy photos. Great! What a wonderful way to capture that special moment in time…for a measly $25,000.

Awww, that’s a pretty stroller. Wait a second, the stroller is equipped with a thermostat? For heaven’s sake lady, you live in California! What are you going to do with a thermostat?

That baby shower looked like loads of fun. Exactly how much did that load of fun set you back? Fourteen-thousand dollars? Chump change!

Tell me Mr. and Mrs. Thrifty Pants, how much did you invest in your little baby’s nursery? Seventy-five thousand dollars? As in $75,000?!?  Holy son-of-a-snikey, that’s more than most people earn in a year, before taxes!

Look, call me jealous. I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t afford 92% of the crap stuff these people are purchasing for their babies, and in all honesty I don’t care. You see, while it’s true that a baby needs basic things like clothing, diapers and blankets, there are a few things that just can’t be bought.

Babies need love and patience. They need to be nurtured and cared for. They yearn for new experiences and opportunities to explore the world around them. They need a family who can provide all of these things. So for goodness sake, put those $230 Gucci Suede Baby Ballet Flats back on the shelf. Your baby really doesn’t need that.

Goodbyes are difficult, but they’re especially difficult for the men and women of our military and the families they leave behind. This Thanksgiving, remember the men, women and children who have made immeasurable sacrifices for our freedom. For behind every soldier who risks his or her life, is a family who sacrifices theirs as well. For you. For me.

This week’s edition of “Wordless Wednesday” is dedicated to my brother Kollin and my beautiful niece Star, who are both celebrating their birthdays this weekend. Happy Birthday! I love you.

No, my child did NOT tell me that his project won the coveted eighth grade blue ribbon prize in the Artistic Photography Division of the Muscogee County School District’s “Beauty Is…” Art Contest.

No, my child did NOT tell me that the awesome aforementioned art project he submitted was also selected to compete in the district-wide finals!

And no, my child did NOT follow his wonderful news up with “Mom, I have detention.”

No.

NOT my child!

The house is quiet. Finally. The day has come to an end and night has arrived. Along with it, peace. I absolutely love this time of day, I mean…night.

At the end of the day, as our children rest their sleepy heads my husband and I make it a point to spend a little bit of quality time together. Sometimes we lay in bed and watch TV. Other times, we just sit around talking and laughing. Tonight is no different. The only problem is, he’s already fallen asleep and here I sit…awake.

Sitting here, I can’t help but notice that he looks a lot like the kids do when they’re asleep. Peaceful. Angelic. Beautiful. Yes, beautiful. There is something so ridiculously beautiful about seeing my big, strong husband in such a vulnerable state. The stresses of the day have melted away and off to Dream Land he goes.

This man, this wonderful man laying next to me is my husband, the father of my children (no matter that our youngest is his only biological child), the keeper of my heart and my best friend. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here. Right now. Next to this man.

Goodnight.